Every year, some of the world’s finest comedic talent gathers in Edinburgh for the Fringe Festival, the largest arts festival on the planet.
Some just call it Fringe, others call it the Festival Fringe, but everybody seems to have a good time regardless, so that’s nice.
It’s been a bit of a rough start to the day (covering mass shootings will do that), so let’s change tack and deal with some real zingers.
They’ve picked 30, but we’ll trim it down and select the cream of the crop:
Goose: My mate came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition. He was close, but no cigar.
Alex Kealy: The problem with the Spider-Man French adaptation is the character is called Peter Parkour, and they immediately guess he is Spider-Man.
Lost Voice Guy: If you are wondering how I got disabled, it’s because I didn’t forward that chain email to 10 of my closest friends when I was younger.
Ivo Graham:I’ve got an Eton themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts.
Tom Taylor: With enough revs and determination any restaurant is a drive-thru.
Olaf Falafel [pictured below]: I’m addicted to smoking jackets – I’m on 20 a day – I’ve tried the patches but, if anything, they just make them more fashionable.
Catherine Bohart: I suppose lesbian sex is a bit like cricket, in that it goes on forever and there’s a lot of men watching it at home, alone, on the internet.
Jake Lambert: A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, “Yes, of course, that’s 20 cows.”
Eli Matthewson: I’m an openly 30 man, and it’s hard to come out as 30… my friends were supportive, my boyfriend was supportive but my mum actually tried to kick me out of the house.
Jena Friedman: True crime documentaries are the only place the entertainment industry will take a chance on an unknown female lead.
Steff Todd: Sauvignon Blanc is French for “Text Your Ex”.
Daniel Audritt: I’m from a competitive family. I remember as a kid my brother and I used to do that thing where you’d see who can hold their breath underwater for the longest… I really miss him.
Some of those really are sublime.
The festival runs through until around the end of August, so hopefully, we will have more top-notch jokes to share later in the month.