Let’s be honest, there is at least one hilarious or memorable quote in each of the fifty-six episodes that Drake & Josh gave the world from 2004-2007, and picking the absolute best of them would require somebody smarter than Mindy Crenshaw herself. Nevertheless, even today it’s nearly impossible to make it through an episode of the now fifteen-year-old Nickelodeon comedy without bursting into tears at least once.
Whether it comes from Josh’s goofy antics or emphasis, Drake’s dim witticism or smoothness with the ladies, or any of the secondary characters playing off the brother’s ridiculous hi-jinks, this step-brother, odd-couple are bound and determined to produce a laugh or two. Here are ten quotes from Drake & Josh that are still hilarious today.
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10 “Pip Pip Da Doodly Doo!” – Drake
Easily one of the most memorable quotes of the series, and potentially the most unique, comes from the episode, “Megan’s First Kiss,” when the brothers try to stop their demonic little sister, Megan, from experiencing her first glimpse into the romance of teen living.
While doing so, the brothers end up in disguise (certainly not for the first time in the series) and must connive their way into a movie theater to spy on Megan’s date. In the process, Drake blurts out the line, prompting Helen, The Premiere’s manager, to repeat the phrase to herself and reply, “Imma start saying that!” Helen might not have continued saying it, but the Drake & Josh fan base never forgot the memorable quote.
9 “Sorry Doesn’t Sweeten My Tea!” – Josh
Who could forget the Season 4 opener when Drake’s brotherly negligence reached new bounds upon forgetting Josh’s birthday in favor of a girl he’d known for five days?
Or vice versa when Drake made up big-time by giving Josh the chance to meet his idol, Oprah Winfrey? (Never mind the fact that Josh blew that opportunity, it was still an amazing gift.) But before Drake can reveal the make-up present to Josh, his less-than-ecstatic sibling doesn’t want to hear any sort of apology and delivers the line with classic Nichols emphasis, making the entire audience as befuddled as Drake was. Sorry Josh, could you say that one more time? Not for clarity, just humor.
8 “We All Think Things.” – Drake
We sure do, and this line had us all thinking how hilarious it was. In the Season 4 episode, “Megan’s Revenge,” the brothers desperately try to prevent their little sibling from terrorizing them, prompting them to take drastic measures to protect themselves. In one attempt, Drake informs Josh that he’ll, “watch the ladder,” while Josh climbs up it to spy on ere gonna hold the ladder?” an un-phased Drake retorts with the line.
Don’t expect much from Drake, he does have the attention span of a squirrel after all. Megan in her room. But once Drake is called down for dinner, thus leaving the ladder unattended, Josh falls from the ceiling in typical sitcom fashion.
7 “I ain’t calling you a truther!” – Josh
The quote that’s still used by most avid watchers of the show, and undoubtedly a few who are just fans of the meme, is also, unsurprisingly, one of the funniest they ever delivered.
As siblings do, the brothers begin to squabble over a prior fight that they had (eight years prior, to be exact) and the two start bickering over the minute details of the altercation. When Josh calls out a particular detail of Drake’s retelling he believes is false, Drake asks if Josh is calling him a liar, to which Josh replies with the now-famous response. Honestly, who doesn’t still use this line?
6 “I love you like the son I never wanted.” – Helen
The first quote on this list to come from a non-titular character (and one of the most confusing, back-handed compliments ever) also comes from one of the most underrated characters on the show, Helen Dubois, Josh’s boss and aforementioned manager of The Premiere theater. During the season 3 episode, “Helen’s Surgery,” Drake tries to throw a hot-tub party in Helen’s apartment and is predictably caught in the act.
But he lies his way out of it by informing Helen that the party is actually to celebrate her successful surgery, causing Helen to utter the oxymoron in the most sincere of tones. Mrs. Hayfer may hate Drake, but Helen sure loves him.
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5 “I have dreams…” – Megan
Probably the second most famous line ever spoken about having dreams, this one was a bit more sinister and showed the audience of Drake & Josh just how menacing, and hilarious, Megan could truly be.
Upon telling his little sister that she couldn’t lick the brownie spoon (admittedly a jerk-move), Megan informs Josh that she, “has dreams. And sometimes in those dreams, things happen to you.” The line is as funny as it is threatening, especially considering that the satanic spawn then destroys an entire football team’s worth of brownies with potting soil. Dream big, Megs, dream big.
4 “If I weren’t here right now, you’d be the hottest person in this movie theater.” – Drake
Drake Parker was the epitome of confidence, and he made sure that everybody knew it. He was damn proud of his D plus average and happily informed anyone that he never did his homework or went to class, but most of all he was confident about his conquest of ladies.
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Regardless of how many girls Drake traipsed through, he also made sure that they knew that he was the more good-looking of the couple, and he couldn’t have made it any clearer than when he mentioned this quote during the episode, “Playing the Field.” Not the smoothest pick-up line, but when you’re Drake it doesn’t really matter.
3 “Don’t tell me what to do.” – Mailman
If you’ve ever had to work in a customer service position, then you know that this guest star’s single line from the Season 4 episode, “Tree House,” was as spot-on as possible.
When Josh is sent a model rocket from his grandmother (isn’t he 17 years old?) and answers the door to the mailman delivering said package, he couldn’t do so in a more friendly manner. However, despite being perfectly charming and informing the mailman that he should, “have a good day,” the mailman responds with this now infamous line. Why does Josh even try?
2 “Yours truly, The Doctor.” – Josh
Everybody has days where they wish that they had a magical note allowing them to skip whatever unpleasant tasks that they may have to do. Luckily for Drake Parker, he has one!
As already stated, Drake is the type of kid who doesn’t do his own homework, especially when he twists his own liver, causing him to be unable to read, write, or bathe. Upon reading this diagnosis on Drake’s false doctor’s note, Josh also reads aloud that the doctor who gave Drake this diagnosis… has no name. Is there anyone out there who knows a Dr. Bob? Asking for a friend.
1 “…I still got half a pie left!” – Drake
Well?… We’re waiting! The ultimate cliff-hanger quote from the series that every single fan remembers and it still has absolutely no explanation! At the beginning of the season 4 episode, “Who’s Got Game?” Josh spots a sensationally hot girl walking across the Premiere movie theater and naturally has to inform Drake of her presence, only to interrupt Drake in the middle of what is possibly the greatest story NEVER told.
While Josh can’t take his eyes off the girl, the audience can’t take their eyes off of Drake as he proclaims, “So my foot’s totally stuck in there, right? I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure, and I still got half a pie left!” Where was this enigmatic story going? How did it begin? The world will never know.
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